Should I get a Howard Stern tattoo?
BY ERIN “SNICKERS” WOLF
I don’t have any tattoos. It’s not that I’m morally opposed to them or anything, I just never could think of one thing or symbol that meant so much to me in my life that I would have it stabbed with a needle full of permanent ink onto my body. But…lately, I’ve been thinking of getting a Howard Stern Show tattoo. Nothing big or gaudy, but a small one of the “Join the Revolution” fist like the one Mariann from Brooklyn has on her ankle.
But, should I get a Howard Stern tattoo?
What does that say about me?
In my opinion, a tattoo isn’t something to be decided upon hastily. It should represent something important like a significant event in one’s life or an achievement that you want to display proudly to the world like an award or a medal. What sort of events are “tattoo worthy,” you ask? To me, the only acceptable benchmark moments include personal achievement, wish fulfillment, a mark of remembrance or the sigil of a membership to some meaningful organization or club.
Now, before I get a lot of hateful comments from the “tat” community, I like tattoos of all shapes and sizes…the “tattoo worthy” rules are merely guidelines that I invented for myself. If you’re a sailor, there’s really no good reason why a naked mermaid shouldn’t dance on your arm and who am I to say that Mike Tyson doesn’t look better with a little face tat and I’m CERTAINLY not judging any girls (or guys) that may have gotten a tramp stamp in the alcohol fueled frenzy of their early twenties.
So, the real question in mind is, why shouldn’t I get a Howard Stern tattoo?
Being a Howard Stern fan has always been an important part of my life. No, I don’t have a creepy shrine of Howard in my closet, I’m looking at you Bobo, nor do I day dream that I will be dining at casa Stern in the Hamptons any time soon, I’m looking at you Sal Governale. I just really like to listen to the Howard Stern Show. It’s a very personal thing, listening to someone talk for hours a day in my kitchen or driving in the car. I attribute a lot of Stern’s success and the ferocious loyalty of his listeners to be founded not on the fact that he gets naked girls to moan on the radio or that he plays amusing prank phone calls and makes fun of his producer’s teeth, but because he is identifiable, honest and for lack of a better word, real. He is the quintessential everyman, pockmarks and all, and it’s completely endearing. He illuminates the mysterious underbelly of human nature and smartly recognizes that it’s the car wrecks everyone slows down on the interstate to see not the fancy monuments and scenic views.
Listen, I haven’t run a marathon, and probably never will. I won’t climb Mount Everest, I have a thing about being too cold. My album will never go double platinum, apparently neither will anyone else’s these days plus I haven’t made an album. I may not ever get to fly in space, I think you need a degree or lots of money for that. But maybe, just maybe, someday I’ll meet one of my favorite performers of all time. And, if I ever do get up to the studio to meet Howard, and only if I don’t say something completely humiliating and vomit on myself or trip over the couch, then I’ll get that tattoo.
Then I’ll yell out “Scores man, got a tattoo.” Ya know, for good measure.